emilism.net Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.

  So I'm back at St Wilfrid's with mixed feelings about the way everything turned out. It could be one of the best things for me, but it could also just be another attestment to my failure. Mentally I'm stuck in some kind of rut. I hate having to work at Dominos now, before I was so sure that I would be leaving for University that I never planned for a long run there and I'm hating it; plus, Sarah will be leaving soon to study Law at Durham University so it'll be just me and Laura again and, almost as if as a punishment for being useless this year round, my Dad is trying to work out a percentage of my wage to pay as board. It's not like I work full-time, I'm actually still a college student and I know it's some kind of dig, whether because of the results or because our relationship is rocky at best I'm still unsure. I'm going to be honest about my father and I risk sounding like a bratty child when I say "I hate him". I HATE HIM. But it's true, I loathe this man; this repulsive human being who's every waking moment is centred around mentally abusing my emotionally fragile mother, or else finding ways to get at me. He's lazy, cruel, arrogant and a disgusting hypocrite. He critises me as having no regard for others' feelings, I almost choked when he said that. Hopefully, my University place will be sorted this year and I'll never have to see him again. Seriously, I want to write him out of my life, especially when I change my name.

  Back to work for a second, Umer's returned from his management course with the intention of sorting out us rulebreakers; I've always liked Umer but I can't stand the way he's just finished revising his rulebook and he's trying to impose restrictions on the rest of us, this thing shouldn't be done and can't you do this instead - actually Umer, I can't be bothered, I have far more important things to do than worry about how many potato wedges Dominos is selling. And I just won't get started on Daniel, the Polish area manager, for fear that I might never stop. As for college, it's weird but I'm sort of enjoying myself so far, I'm in the form I wanted and I do actually have friends, I think this year has the potential to be excellent. Plus, Shem has given me ways to improve my personal statement from last year and I'm astounded by the difference, they said my last one was impressive and I can see a mile-off that this one is tons better, so fingers crossed for some good offers. Oh, and yes, Mr Hall is probably not going to be happy with my University application choices, he was encouraging me to apply to something more middle-ground and I'm sorry if I come across as something of a snob but I don't want to. He wants to up the college's statistics for those finding University places by getting me to accept a mickey mouse Uni. I won't. At least this time round ALL my courses are Politics and Philosophy so I'm not trying to fit my statement around multiple subjects; I think I know where I'm applying and I also think it's ambitious, but what the hell, this is what I've got in mind at the minute: Edinburgh, Durham, York, Royal Holloway and London School Of Economics (and Political Science). I'm hoping my political/philosophical ideas in my statement will help emphasise how much I want this course, particularly regarding individualism and Solipsism.

  So, let's go through my current subjects. History again but this time with a good Civil Rights teacher and a Coursework teacher who's "putting you[me] at the top of my[his] list". I'm hoping to see a great improvement in History this year, it should be possible and I intend to work my arse off for it. Theology again too, with my dear Aitchibob, we've already had a debate over whether the statement "gay men are happy" can be false by definition, I said no but he believes that if you take "gay" to mean "homosexual", then happiness is not a predicate and it therefore must be false by definition. I replied by saying for it to be false by definition the statement would have to be "gay men are straight" and, even though happiness is not a predicate, it is also not necessarily false as gay men can be and often are happy. But moving on, I've taken up Law and Sociology as well. Both are actually really interesting and I like my teachers, apart from that there's not much excitement to discuss on the topics of my new subjects. By the way, I got a huge hug from Flan as a congratulations on my A* in English Literature, she's liked me for years and I adore her so we had to have a moment over it. She was also pleased that I did Wuthering Heights over Dracula for Section A of my exam. And yes, Shem, I finally gave him his anteater that he so longed for and he seemed really chuffed.

  And what does the future hold? Well, me and Kafie are planning Rome now that neither of us are going to Uni this year, it's one of my dreams to visit Vatican City. I'm also thinking of leaving TFL, or at least in part after realising that there are too many cliques and I might as well burn my wishlist. Never mind, I feel optimistic for now.